Monthly Archives: June 2011

People change but do they really?


So I was having a talk with mth sister today & she said “mom & dad have always been like that!”

I had to stop for a minute and think…is that true or do people change over time?

My parents are like night & day. My dad is calm & more approachable; however, my mother is more judgemental.

Thinking back they have always been that way so is it me thats changed or my outlook on things?

Do you think people change or was an attribute always there?


Pay attention


You call yourself a friend or close family member….

Will you be able to tell if things have changed with your friend or family member? If you are around just for what you can get than shame on you.

Don’t overlook the small stuff because it could be bigger stuff underneath.

By asking questions & being attentive you just might save a life.

So pay attention…

What’s happening?!


My life has been on a rollercoaster for a couple years & its getting worse.

I had friends, family, & a job but all that changed drastically in 2009.

I no longer have a job & it seems like I lost my family at the same time.

Not having a steady income is rough especially when you have so many people depending on you.

I feel into a serious depression, that I feel Im still in, & my family deserted me.

I am so alone. I truly don’t understand everything that is & has happened but I do know Im alone to deal with it.

I sure hope things get better.



You know some things are going to take place regardless of what u do & dying is one of those things.

Ive been thinking about death more & more. Im so alone in this thing called life. Everything or everyone I come in contact with deserts me or in their eyes I never do anything right.

I have a grandchild on the way. She will make her appearance in August & its already been decided that she will not get to know me.

Am I that bad..I guess so. There’s no purpose of me staying around….

Death happens regardless!

My three men


I only have three men in my life that means the world to me: my dad, my husband, & my godson.

My dad wasn’t the perfect father but he love his kids. I was always teased to be his favorite & that’s ok because hes my favorite. You can always be assured that you will laugh & have a great time when you are around him. He is so easy to talk to & don’t judge. My dad is the only person who says my full first name. When I get in a tizzy fit I can always hear my dad voice saying “be cool Pamela be cool!” I love this man with all my heart & soul.

My husband: we’ve been married 12 years & together 13 years. I actually fell for him the first day I met him in Atlanta. We haven’t had the perfect marriage but we have been true to each other. For any man to but up with my head strong ways, stubbornish & still love me unconditionally I am impressed & he has.

We never really had the traditional married roles but I must say my husband has taken on a new role of taking care of me. I go through my depressed states & hes right there holding me & telling me everything will be ok. I know he must be worried about me but he never shows it. I truly love him & He deserves a wife that is not all ways having melt downs.

Now my godson is the joy of my life. 6 years ago my cousin blessed me with him. Im so thankful to her for allowing me to be apart of his life. Hes going up so fast. He loves Spiderman & John Cena. He brings me so much joy! Im so happy when he is around but I don’t know if he should be around me. Im so afraid that hes going to grow up & leave me like everyone else. I love that boy with all my heart. He’s my lil Buddha. I sure hope he remembers me & know that I love him.

I love each of them & they hold a special place in my heart.

Love you guys forever….

My three men!

Loyalty? Does it exist?


Being a friend, mother, sister, wife are the many hats I wear. I always pride myself on being true to those in my circle; however, Im finding out that circle doesn’t come completely around.

I birthed two children. They were my life. I gave up myself to make sure my girls never wanted for anything. I was their sole provider. Their dad wasn’t around.

My eldest daughter stayed with my mom for a couple months just until I got on my feet.

I provided everything always was there for them but now the story is different.

My kids have turned their backs on me. Nothing I do is right. I get no calls plus they never come & visit. This is in part to them taking sides with others.

Im not perfect by no means but they are not either. Im at my lowest point in my life & can’t do what Ive always done.

I just believe there should be some loyalty to your mother especially if shes always been there.

Im just trying to figure out what I did wrong. Why my own kids won’t be loyal to me. Love me the way I love them.

Im hurt & 4 years of pulling away is killing me, literally.

Loyalty does it exist?

New direction


Hello everyone…

Its the beginning of a new week; which means a new list of things to do & goals. As I was writing my to do list, I realized that my life is taking on a New DIRECTION.

As you begin to take control of your life, more & more things become clear to you.

With that said, I must be true to the mission & vision I first had with this blog. Starting today this blog will be about life, decisions, & truly Sol (Soul) Searching.

My initial purpose was to help others & myself achieve our true potential while getting out of our own way.

I want to thank the past contributors & authors that used Sol Searching as a platform; however, we must return to our original platform.

Subscribers get ready to Sol Search.