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Marriage is Like a Bank: Top 10 Deposits to Make Today

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We’ve all heard that success is a journey, not a destination. I say that marriage is a journey, not a destination. In other words you have to constantly work at building a successful relationship; it doesn’t just happen. We know that the cares of this world: career, children, household chores, other family members, and more take up so much of our time that by the end of the day, we have nothing left to give to our spouses. In turn, our marriages are missing the very core of what it should have: love.

 A successful marriage is not based on a couple having no challenges or disagreements. But it is based on how they communicate with one another day after day. The definition of communicate is: a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior (words or deeds); to open into each other: connect. Therefore, communicating is connecting to one another on a daily basis to strengthen and enrich your marriage. I am not talking about the day in and day out of the routine of marriage – a peck on the cheek, “Have a nice day” – to a call in the middle of the day to discuss the children or why you will be home late – to a peck on the cheek and lights out.

Marriage is a lot like a bank account. A successful couple makes daily deposits – ways to make their marriage a priority. Below are ten ways to deposit love (and they’re FREE!):

  1. Kiss them passionately
  2. Send an ecard (www.MyFunCards.com,  www.AmericanGreetings.com, www.123greetings.com)
  3. Watch their favorite show or do their favorite activity
  4. Hug them and tell them how much you love and appreciate them
  5. Make love to them (yes have SEX!)
  6. Put the kids down early, fix a nice healthy dessert, light a candle, and just talk
  7. Start a tradition (every week to take a walk, etc.)
  8. Play a board game/cards
  9. Find a poem or quote (internet, library, or write one) that will express your feelings (either send it or read it to them)
  10. Pamper your spouse after work

 Dating should not stop once you are married. Continue to court one another and offer tokens of love and appreciation. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, but little signs of gratitude and courtship can go a long way to enhance your relationship.

 © Jewell R. Powell, the Marriage Coach and author of Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith. For more information, visit www.marriage101.us

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Pursue the One You Love

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Author Jewell Powell will visit Sol Searching tomorrow during her blog tour. She has granted my listeners the opportunity to read excerpts from her book, Marriage 101: Building a life together by Faith. Over the next couple of days, I will share excerpts from her book with you. Please visit her website: www.marriage101.us, to learn more about her book and/or to order the book.

Pursue the One You Love

Most couples reminisce about how the person they ultimately married actively pursued them for their time, attention, or love when they were dating. The pursuit to gain the affection of another person is known as courting. This active pursuit should not end just because you are now married. Women have been most noted to complain about their spouse’s lack of time and attention once they were married. All of the special things he once did (romantic dates, flowers, candy, thoughtful cards and gifts) have disappeared into the sea of forgetfulness.

Now, your husband sexually approaches you without even stroking your hair or kissing your neck. If this becomes the norm and you are frustrated by it, be sure to lovingly let your hubby know that you would like to include more romance into your sex life instead of just diving right into the act!

Remind him of all of the wonderful things that he did to get your attention and how this really made you fall in love with him. Married couples should continue to court one another and offer tokens of love and appreciation. You don’t have to spend a lot of money. Even little signs of gratitude and courtship can go a long way in having a great marriage. Ladies, this cuts both ways. Be prepared to be reminded of some things that you may have done or let slip during your time of dating or early in your marriage when things were fresh, new and exciting. Both men and women need to remember how hard they once worked to impress each other. Why not do it now?

Another point that many couples will remember is that while courting and dating, it was difficult for them to keep their hands off one another and resist the sexual attraction they felt toward each other. Although the Scriptures clearly tell us that it is God’s desire that we abstain from sex until marriage, sex inside of marriage is His perfect plan for couples. Sex outside of marriage is fornication. Fornication is a sin against God. It is just like the enemy to entice and put pressure on couples to have sex before marriage. Then once they are married, couples may not find sex pleasurable anymore or they become disinterested. It is also a tactic of the enemy to make sexual intimacy that is sanctioned and blessed by God into something that couples want to avoid. Couples must be vigilant to submit themselves to God (His will) and resist the devil in every area of their lives, including their sexual relationship with their spouse, and he will flee (James 4:7). It is the will of God and His desire for married couples to have sex.   

Most couples listened carefully to one another when they were dating. Once married, it may be more difficult to find interest in some of the same stories your spouse shares. However, it is important to put the time and energy into listening to them talk about work, concerns about friends, and their outside interests. No matter how boring this may seem to you now, and how you may tire of hearing them rambling on about things that don’t interest you, this is an important part of making them feel important.

Think back. Remember how glad you were to be allowed into their inner-most thoughts, emotions, and dreams when you first started dating. Well, you got what you were looking for! Now, you are their friend and lover forever! Intently listen to what your spouse has to say and share your feelings and thoughts with them, as well. This verbal intimacy between couples is the preliminary step toward physical intimacy.

The courting process is very different for each couple. If your husband loves a good evening meal, you can court him with his favorite dinner. If your wife loves flowers, buy her flowers for no reason. There are countless ways to “court” each other. Wear the perfume that makes his toes curl. Bring her a small box of her favorite chocolates. Men, washing the dishes for your wife after she has an exhausting day at work or at home with the kids could be the sexiest thing you’ve done in weeks because it demonstrates your care and concern to meet her needs. All of these examples are simple ways of communicating that your spouse is still the most important person to you and that you don’t take them for granted.

If you have realized that you have become lazy in your pursuit of the one you love, pick up the wonderful little things that you use to do for them to communicate your love and affection. If you have forgotten, ask them! By expressing your love and appreciation through small tokens, you set the stage for intimacy and open the door for lovemaking.

© Jewell R. Marriage 101Powell, The Marriage Coach and Author of Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith. This is an excerpt from the Marriage 101 mini series, Sex & Intimacy.  For more information, visit www.marriage101.us